For the past 6 years since my Dad died, I have given a butterfly gift to each member of our family at Christmas. Not only to remember him, but to remember life in general. The life that has been given to each of us through Christ. I wrote this letter in the middle of the night as my heart was full. I gave it to those I love with the butterfly gift, so that everyone would fully understand what the butterfly connection is to my life. It was received with tears, reflection and love. I thought I would share it with you all. It is a deeply personal part of my heart and spiritual journey.
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What
a tiny butterfly represents to me and why each year I remember:
A
WALK.
In
1994 after my head injury I was recovering. I would walk at the same park of my
accident to rebuild my strength, quiet my confused heart…. and a tiny white
butterfly would always be fluttering beside me. Like an angel that was there
through it all, to save my life. To help me find my way. To give me hope and
soften my heart. To honor my new unique story in life. To remind me to flutter
along on a brand new path set before me with a grateful heart and a renewed
sweetness, grace and love. Butterflies have been a part of my story ever since.
I
walked to release, to pray, to get some energy and feel free after Dad’s death.
It was my quiet moment (and still is) in the day with no distractions. A tiny
little butterfly accompanied my steps many times. Giving me peace and letting
me know that there is so much more to just the days we have here.
Steve’s
new exciting walk into a covenant of marriage. A butterfly that fluttered with
Steve on his wedding day. Oh, how Dad was there. He wanted Steve to marry
Heather for years. He was that butterfly when the photographer was shooting and
the one that landed on his flower for a long time during the beautiful
ceremony.
DAD.
He
would always say when greeting me on the phone or in person, “How’s my
butterfly?” and then say “How are my two little butterflies?” (Referring to
Hannah and Lauren) This is a dear memory that I hold close to me.
A tiny little butterfly
surrounded me in my deep sorrow the day Dad passed away. It fluttered above me
when I was in intense sadness and tears laying outside on the patio that Dad
loved so much.
He
carried around the prayer that Mom so lovingly wrote on the Thanksgiving of my
head trauma. He carried it in his wallet for close to 15 years. We had no idea
of this until he died. It was folded up and worn and tattered. It was his love
note to his butterfly. A gift that is one of the most special I have ever
received in my life.
He always loved Christmas.
It brought him so much excitement. After all the hustle and bustle and the
paper and bows, he would say “Oh, I think there is just one more gift….” He
would jump out of his chair with a wide grin and go to his secret spot and
bring out a gift that was always the grandest of the day. The real gift to me
was his expression of love and joy.
Dad’s boat. His pride and joy named “The Butterfly Barge”
for all his butterflies that he loved so. Butterflies surrounded the girls as
they tubed out on the lake the day of his memorial with family. Precious.
He
always believed in me. All my crazy and big dreams. Almost as if he gave me
wings to fly within those. That is a big deal to a “Daddy’s girl”. I will
always carry his encouragement and love with me.
LIFE.
A
reminder to me that a butterfly is free. That we are free. Free to be the
person you are. Free to have
gigantic faith and flutter about in this life. For us to keep our wings
strong and beautiful. Spreading them wide in knowing that God has each of our
days held in His hands. All of us.
That we all go through transformation.
We are everchanging. The caterpillar that we were born into grows and changes
through the years. After some cocooning in our experiences and journeys, we eventually find our wings.
It might not be on our time or what we planned, but we get to the point in our
life where we are truly born. To flutter about in this life. To awaken. To
remind ourselves of the dazzling and spectacular color and beauty that is the
here and now, and to remember the eternal life beyond the clouds.
I
am slowly opening up my new Etsy shop. It is called “One Tiny Butterfly”. This
new illustrated shop is a huge part of my heart. Almost like a beautiful, creative prayer from me to whoever receives the art. I draw and paint about my
roads. My life and love so far. My beautiful path of being a Mom to two
incredible girls. My faith. This kind of art expression has filled me and I
know that it is right. I am ready to share my words and heart with a
paintbrush and embrace it with courage and freedom just like a butterfly.
So
if you see or think of a
butterfly, remember it’s on
journey like you. It represents life. It represents a celebration of
life. A rememberance of life. A gratefulness for life. To keep your heart open...be brave and be free.
Go
fly with sweet winds underneath your unique and colorful wings.
And
always look for that tiny little butterfly…and remember.
We were boating on Memorial Day weekend and this little butterfly landed (and stayed) on the boat for most of the day. (It's was Dad's boat, named "Butterfly Barge" you know.) Lauren took such good care of it (that is the picture above of her). She thought it might have had a broken wing. She decided to very carefully and tenderly bring it home and let it go at our house. What a beautiful analogy of life. We are all just floating around and catching the breezes, sometimes broken, always taken care of by Bigger Hands, and sometimes just needing to "let go".
There are countless ways the analogy of a butterfly has appeared through my days.
Here are a couple more that stick with me:
"Faith: In your darkest hour, look for a white butterfly."
Crazy how things all come together when you have faith through the chaotic and questionable times in your life.
